Perhaps you'll plant a flower on my poor, unworthy grave, Come and sit along beside me when the roses nod and wave

I wake up every morning like this, and then I go to bed at night the same. I wander around the world like this, and I will leave it just the same. And everyone around me are exactly as scared as me, and they probably wonder as much. Does it make me feel worried? No, it's more comforting than anything else. I don't believe people are that different, our basic minds I mean, we all tend to react to things in different ways, but we all share the same basic needs and feelings. And we all have no fucking idea way we're still here on this earth every morning, or why some of us aren't.

I still try to find what I like, for example, when I walk in to a store I always get this feeling that everything could be extremely beautiful or that every piece of fabric is really ugly. I mean, how should I know what I like and don't like? How do I decide about that; do I decide about that? I could start being really mean to people and just ignore all of my friends, and become a total different person, and maybe I'd learn to live with that. If I really forced myself to do be this total ass then maybe I'd grow used to it? Can you totally change who you are? I guess you can, and that's pretty fucking scary.

I'm sorry that my first entry was really boring and had nothing interesting in it, but this blog isn't really supposed to be interesting, it's just to get things out of my mind I guess. And so that I can feel a little alive. I hope I've succeeded.
/Claire