Every time I look myself in the mirror I tend to see a totally new person, like there's so many sides of me that I won't ever know all of them. And of course I won't. It's like when you see yourself on a screen, when someone else has filmed you, and you suddenly see all of these angles you've never seen of yourself before. It's weird, I would like to be the one who knows myself the best, but now I realize there's so much I don't know about myself.
Last Friday I was at a party at a friends house, I was the only one not drinking and I felt both proud and uncomfortable at the same time. And as I sat there among these people, rather drunk, talking mostly nonsense I kind of felt separated from them, like I was so much better than them because I wasn't drinking. I just felt sorry for their sorry lives and they're sad relationships and their future jobs that they won't even like. But then I just felt like I was the idiot, judging other people when I was just as much a failure as anyone of us.
Or maybe we're not failures, maybe we're fucking awesome superheroes that'll save the day. I don't know, but I like to think that I'm better and different, which I'm obviously not, most of my friends seem to be so much better than me it makes me feel like such a bad friend. But I love them dearly, and I would love to be part of their lives and try to make them happier. At the very least.
/Claire
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